


A Super Solider and An Ex-Assassin Walk Into a Nightclub

by SlitheredFromEden



Series: Lucifer and Chloe's Guide To NOT Making Friends [4]
Category: Lucifer (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crime solving couples UNITE, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9210839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlitheredFromEden/pseuds/SlitheredFromEden
Summary: Steve and Natasha find themselves in L.A. and must ask a guy (who may or may not be the devil) for help to return home.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CarolineCC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarolineCC/gifts).



> Follow up to my "A Bit of Fun With a Whole Lot of Intention" fic 
> 
> Also this was requested by my new friend CarolineCC ♡

Steve has never been so grateful to have Natasha by his side as he does now...

Ever since the Avengers encountered that insane man who may or may not the actual Devil. There has been what Bruce refered to as residue from the portal that 'the Devil' visited them from. Bruce also believed that if it wasn't taken care of it might split open and take someone. 

He wasn't wrong. Except it took two people, both he and Natasha to LA. No matter how much times she tried to to contact any of them back in Manhattan the line goes dead. After many failed phone calls, the couple decided to take a good look around. 

Then they found it; LUX. It wasn't far from where they had been dropped off. 

"Wasn't Lucifer's place called LUX?" Steve asked. 

"Yes," She supplied with a nod of her head. "We'll just find them, and have the to send us back," 

LUX was crammed with so many people, Steve could barely gain balance from the dancing bodies around him constantly bumping into him. Natasha's grip on his hand tightened as she pushed past the very intoxicated crowd. 

"There he is," She pointed ahead to where Lucifer stood with a tall dark guy. 

Natasha hastily dragged Steve up to him. Lucifer's eyes lit up with recognition. "Why hello!" 

"Hi," The redhead quickly replied. "We need that map to get back home," 

"Why the rush?" 

"We were brought here forcefully by the leftover residue of your visit," Natasha crossed her arms over her chest. Steve knew she was getting annoyed which end with her attacking the poor guy. 

"You are very welcome," Lucifer's smile grew bigger. Either he's oblivious to Natasha's irritation or he doesn't seem to care. 

Steve placed his hand to the center of Natasha's back. Then he tried, "We were taken not by our choice. It'll mean a lot if you sent us back," 

"Oh," the smile dropped. "I suppose. Follow me," 

Steve noticed the silent man that seemed to look very confused, but kept it to himself. Who was he to Lucifer, Steve wondered. 

Just above a few flights of steps Lucifer was a apartment or a very messy one at that. 

"Do you always keep your place this messy?" Natasha broke the silence as she stepped further in. Steve chose to remain away from the monstrosity of the scene before him. 

"This wasn't me!" Lucifer boomed. "This is someone else's work! Dear Father, I've been robbed." 

"Don't jump to conclusions, Luci," the man spoke up for the first time. "I'm sure it's nothing," 

"Actually.." Nat's voiced trailed off. "It's bad," 

The men turned their attention to the spy, she held up a piece of clothing that had been covering the face of a body. A very dead body. 

"My clothes!" Lucifer whined. "Those cost me a fortune!" 

"If you haven't noticed," Steve made an annoyed sound. "There's a corpse beneath the clothes," 

"Oh," Lucifer said if now realizing the dead man. "You're right," 

"Are you going to something about it, or you going to ignore it?" She tossed the bloody blouse aside. "I mean if you candle a rotting body I see no trouble here," 

"You are one scary lady," the mysterious man commented. 

"Thank you," Natasha smiled, taking it as a compliment. "Call the police, Lucifer," 

"Very well," Lucifer let out a painful sigh. "I'll call the detective." 

Chloe was at the scene within minutes with a whole team. Everyone seemed to be doing something; taking pictures, collecting DNA, and interviewing Natasha. Honestly, it all confused Steve. He missed the days where he understood what was going on. 

Chloe walked up to him. "Lucifer told me about your situation. I hope he can help, but for now I need you to tell me everything that happened from your perspective," 

Steve did, not keeping a single detail from greeting Lucifer up until discovering the body. Chloe took a few notes here and there, but overall listened attentively. 

"We seem to have a minor setback regarding you returning home," Lucifer announced as he walked up to them. "The map is gone, and I'm sure it was the killer who took it," 

"We'll help you find the killer, then," Nat shrugged. "Since you're helping us," 

"Amenadiel," Lucifer said to the man. "I need the security," 

"So?" Amenadiel shrugged. 

"So, go fetch them!" Lucifer shoved him toward the elevator. "What do I pay you for?" 

"You don't," he shot back as he entered. 

"There's a good reason for that, too," Lucifer huffed. "You're completely useless," 

"Whatever," Amenadiel rolled his eyes as the doors dinged shut.

"Who do you think took the map?" Steve asked in attempt to change the subject. 

"I don'tdont, but no one steals from me lives for long to telI the tale," his features turned grim. 

"Yeah," Natasha laughed. "Because you're the Devil, right?" 

"Yes, because I'm the Devil!" He sqwaked. In Steve's opinion, that didn't seem very devil-like. 

"Sure," Natasha nodded in mock agreement. 

"Chloe! Tell her I'm telling the truth," he voiced. 

"He's telling the truth," Chloe said half heartedly. 

"Say it like you mean it, Detective," Lucifer pouted. 

"We don't have time for this, Lucifer." Chloe adjusted the loose strand of hair behind her ear. "We have a crime to solve," 

"You're right, Chloe, all I need to do is show them how delivishly I can solve this crime," 

"She didn't say that," Steve tried. 

"Not now, blondie." Lucifer held his hand to Steve's face. "We're going to find a criminal!" 

"What-" Steve was grinned by the elbow and dragged to the elevator. What's with people dragging me, Steve pondered, do I have the type of face. 

"We'll meet back up at the station in a hour!" Chloe called out after them. 

"Don't corrupt Steve!" Nat added with a laugh. She was enjoying this way too much for his liking. 

Steve stopped resisting after the two blocks he was forced to walk. "Where do we start?" 

"I reckon we ask around." Lucifer pulled out his phone revealing a picture. A picture of the dead man. 

"You took a picture of him?" His eyes widened. "That's disrespectful,"  

"Not all of us are shedding righteousness, Captain America," Lucifer shrugged putting his phone away. "So, I'm thinking the Arse Hole Bar is the first place we should ask," 

"Lead the way," Steve replied ignoring the foul words. 

The Arse Hole Bar, as Lucifer so eloquently put it, was a biker bar. As soon as they step foot within the damned place Lucifer let out a shout, "Hey! Hello! I need to ask you lot something!" 

A pretty large man chose to reply, "What's that?" 

Lucifer pulled up the nauseating photo, "Do you know this man?"

"What happened to him?" 

"Murder, obviously," Lucifer rolled his eyes. "We are in search of the culprit," 

"I did know him," the large man let out a sign. "Neal King was a good kid, but got himself into a lot of trouble," 

"We assume he was attempting a robbery when he was killed," Steve put in. 

Large Man growled, "Like I said, got himself into a lot of trouble," 

"Did he have any enemies? Anyone wanting to hurt him?" Steve questioned. 

"Look at you, Captain," Lucifer praised. "Following procedure like a true detective," 

"Nothing I didn't pick up from television," Steve replied shortly. 

"As you know the boy was a thief, everyone was his enemy and wanted to hurt him," 

"Does he target randomly or not? Did you know what he was after this time?" Steve asked carefully. 

"Something about a stupid map," Large Man sighed. "I don't know where he gets these ideas," 

"A final thing then we'll be out of your hair, or what's left of it anyway." Lucifer said. "What is it you truly desire?" 

His tone unsettled Steve. It was the tone of a man woman does this often and gets results. Much like a hypnotist prying secrets from defenseless people. 

Steve hated it. 

"A fucking break from this city," Large Man gritted through his teeth. "Why'd I say that? I don't care. Now go, before I decide to beat you two into the cement." 

"We're leaving," Steve ushered himself and Lucifer out as quickly as he could. The last thing Steve needs is a scene. That could attract unwanted attention from SHIELD. Steve wasn't sure if there even was a SHIELD here. But he wasn't about to find out.

"Why'd you allow him to talk to us like that?" Lucifer raised a questioning brow. "Go back there and star spangle beat the crap out of that poor sod, Captain. Do it for America!" 

"We don't need the attention, Lucifer," Steve made an unimpressed noise. "Not everything I do is for America," 

"Then, I suggest that you change your name to Captain-I-Dont-Do-My-Job," 

"Please stop talking," Steve begged. "I don't who you're more like; Tony or Loki," 

"You sound just like Chloe 'Stop, Lucifer,' 'Stay still, Lucifer,' and my personal favorite 'Don't tamper with the corpses in the morgue, Lucifer,' you need to have fun,"

"Its definitely Tony," Steve shook his head with a small laugh, "You and Tony would make great friends," 

"Can I be great friends with Black Widow?" Lucifer leaned in close. 

"If you'd like to keep your genitals intact, I'd suggest you to keep away," 

"Possessive, are you?" He purred with interest. 

"Sure am," 

Lucifer's phone went off, "Detective, hi! Thats great! We also had a breakthrough! Yes, we are on our way. See you soon, love," 

Chloe and Natasha were already at the station when he and Lucifer arrived. The women seemed to be in a deep conversation with a fellow detective if his flashy badge was anything to go by. 

"Detective Douche, what an unpleasant surprise," Lucifer greeted. 

"I work here, it shouldn't surprise you," he shot back. 

"Well, I could only hope for anyone to fire you," Lucifer smirked. 

"I'm Dan," he extended his hand to Steve, "nice to meet you," 

"Steve," Steve politely smiled. 

"He's my Steve." Lucifer pulled them apart, "Get your own," 

"Technically," Natasha spoke up from beside Chloe. "He's my Steve, but I'm up for sharing,"

"Ooh I like her, Chloe." Lucifer laughed. "May we adopt her?" 

"I don't see an issue," Chloe said going along with him. "What do you say, Steve?" 

Steve couldn't stop the blush creeping across his face. Dammit, he's over seventy! He shouldn't be blushing.. yet here he was. 

"We should get back to the case," he replied avoiding their gaze. 

"So, the victim-" 

"Neal," Steve interrupted Chloe. "His name was Neal," 

"Okay, Neal was about nineteen to twenty-three years old. He's usual seen around the upper east side of LA," Chloe jotted down on a whiteboard as she spoke. "What did you boys get?" 

"This Neal is known for being a thief, and it is confirmed he was after the map," Lucifer supplied. "So far reasons unknown," 

"A map? That's an odd thing to steal?" Dan furrowed his brows. 

"Low lived criminals, Danny-Boy, they want anything that might be considered valuable," Lucifer was quick to reply. 

"How'd he know that you might have it? Unless both Neal and the murderer knew you personally," Dan began piecing together. 

"Dan's making sense here," Chloe chimed in.

"Detective, I'm applaud," Lucifer gasped. 

"Who have you shown the map to?" Dan asked ignoring the other man's comment. 

"Well you, Trixie, Maze, and Amenadiel. That's about it, oh no..." Steve could've Lucifer's eyes flashed red. "I know who our killer is." 

LUX is where Lucifer returned them-all but Dan. A stack of photos were placed on his piano. "Amenadiel finally came through," 

"Is that you I think it is?" Chloe asked peering from beside him. 

"Yes, it's my mother," Lucifer groaned. "How did not I see this coming. She probably found when she was here yesterday," 

"We'll find her before she uses it," Chloe promised. 

"Let's no waste time," 

Across Los Angeles, Lucifer's mom's mansion to be precise, Lucifer was fuming. 

"Mom! Mom, I know you're here!" 

A woman appeared from nothing to Natasha's righy, instinctively she attacked. But this woman help up his girlfriend by the throat with unnatural strength. Steve shoved the attacker with all his strength knocking her over. 

"Nat, are you okay?" 

"I'm fine," She found herself to her feet. "I'm going to enjoy hurting her," 

"Leave it to me," Lucifer demanded. This time it was clear as day, his eyes were blood red. Lucifer (who probably is the devil after all) towered his mother. "Do you have the map?" 

"Yes,"

"Charlotte, did you kill Neal King?" Chloe asked as she edged closer. 

"I didn't kill anyone, there were two people already there when I arrived," Charlotte supplied. "Well, one was already dead." 

"Neal had a partner," Natasha put together. "What did they look like?"

"What would I tell you-"

"ANSWER HER!" Lucifer shouted which was more of an actual roar than anything. 

"A big brute," She responded. "I didn't see him too well after I scared him off," 

"Arse Hole Bar!" Lucifer and Steve grinned. 

"Captain," Natasha mock scolded. "Language," 

"Hand over the map, mother, so I can be on my merry way," 

Charlotte pulled a piece of folded paper from her bra. Lucifer backed away with a gag, leaving Chloe to retrieve it. 

"Since we've obtained the map, would you like to go home?" Chloe asked as they exited the house. 

"And miss the big arrest?" Natasha raised an eyebrow. "No way, right Cap?"

"Right, also I can't abandon the Devil." Steve said casually. "After we worked so hardtop solve this." 

"You believe me?" 

"Yes, we both do," Natasha intertwined her and Steve's fingers together. "We both do," 

"That doesn't bother you?" Chloe questioned. 

"There isn't much that bothers me anymore, miss," 

"The words, dearest!" Lucifer directed at Chloe. 

"Ubi nos effi- cimur, conjuro te volui," Chloe said happily. 

"What are we waiting for? To Arse Hole Bar!" 

As expected the portal appeared, they all shared a smile before entering it all at once. The remaining of the night ran smoothly in Steve's opinion. As they arrived the bar, he wasted no time holding Large Man, later identified as Joe Wilson, down as Natasha used him as a punching bag. 

Dan arrived and took him in shortly after. He also promised Joe wasn't leaving jail for quite awhile. 

"You played detective well, Captain." Chloe praised. "Maybe you should take it up,"

"You never compliment me that way," Lucifer pouted. 

Chloe kissed him, "That's because you're awful,"

"How about we head home?" Natasha suggested. "I'm interested to see how they held up without us."

Steve held her hand up to his lips, "I'm sure they blew up Stark Tower,"

"Ubi nos effi- cimur, conjuro te volui," Chloe spoke the words softly obviously not wanting to disturb the two.

"To Stark Tower!" Lucifer's voice rung out. 

"It was an eventful day," Natasha hugged Chloe. "I enjoyed the drinks," 

"Drinks without me?" Lucifer gasped. "Chloe I'm offended yet.. proud." 

"Take care," Steve shook Lucifer's hand. Then took Natasha's hand as they faced the portal, "Let's go home, Nat," 

As the light died out, the recognized the setting. Home. And it wasn't even broken. 

"Guys! They're baaaaack!" Clint screeched, well like a hawk,"We were begining to believe Loki and his new lady abducted you!" 

As the rest gathered in the lounge, Tony broke the silence, "Care to explain your sudden getaway?" 

They couple exchanged a glanced, then Natasha began. "Remember that residue..." 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ♡  
> Leave a comment ♡


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